Oil and Water

My heart aches from your words
Don’t make assumptions of me
when you don’t know who I am,
only what I reflect of you
We’re moving too fast
Emotionally I’m unstable
Mentally unable to understand
why I feel such grief at the
idea of happiness within
my reach? Because on the
other side there is terror
of unknown waters, and I
will definitely sink instead
of swim because my legs are
tired of kicking back the demons
of uncertainty; drowning in
my own ocean of sobs,
all because I’m sensitive to
the pain of others, and I want
to hurt none or leave anyone
to ache as I do; so I horde all
of me and what I give to you—
serenity dissolving to apologies
when I owe nobody but me.

 Turn it off;
delete them please
Rid of me all the
romantic feelings
I want to stay black
and bitter—unsweet.
It was a mistake
for our parts to meet.

On this hand
was a love in plain
sight, one that could
seemingly be right;
one that could burn
so bright I might have
the chance to stop
wallowing in myself
and let someone else
do the wallowing.

Though I think
I’ve come to love
myself despite my
distortions, and have
recognized the drives
and contradictions
within my short-term
wants and needs,
I sacrifice them
for someone else’s
to say I have none.

And back to that
 solitary square one.

The sum of some times

Sometimes I wish
my over-thinking would
short circuit my brain and
leave me brain-dead.

Sometimes in mirrors
I rehearse conversations
I will never have.

Sometimes I think you
are passively avoiding me
or actively ignoring me.

Sometimes I want
to be so turned on
that I never turn off.

Sometimes I can’t sing
from my soul because
it’s buried beneath my heart.

Sometimes I just listen
 to the nothingness
and the noise, but I’m
lost in the silence.

To reminiscence

The night is young,
and she waits for me
to rise before the sun
and take my leave
   Day breaks while
   my thoughts weave
Tree branches sway
 dropping fallen leaves
 Cochlea prickle
as The National plays
sketching an image
 of better, sweeter days
 Time has flown
and with me it stays
  segmented lines
of those poignant days