Oil and Water

My heart aches from your words
Don’t make assumptions of me
when you don’t know who I am,
only what I reflect of you
We’re moving too fast
Emotionally I’m unstable
Mentally unable to understand
why I feel such grief at the
idea of happiness within
my reach? Because on the
other side there is terror
of unknown waters, and I
will definitely sink instead
of swim because my legs are
tired of kicking back the demons
of uncertainty; drowning in
my own ocean of sobs,
all because I’m sensitive to
the pain of others, and I want
to hurt none or leave anyone
to ache as I do; so I horde all
of me and what I give to you—
serenity dissolving to apologies
when I owe nobody but me.

 Turn it off;
delete them please
Rid of me all the
romantic feelings
I want to stay black
and bitter—unsweet.
It was a mistake
for our parts to meet.

On this hand
was a love in plain
sight, one that could
seemingly be right;
one that could burn
so bright I might have
the chance to stop
wallowing in myself
and let someone else
do the wallowing.

Though I think
I’ve come to love
myself despite my
distortions, and have
recognized the drives
and contradictions
within my short-term
wants and needs,
I sacrifice them
for someone else’s
to say I have none.

And back to that
 solitary square one.

The sum of some times

Sometimes I wish
my over-thinking would
short circuit my brain and
leave me brain-dead.

Sometimes in mirrors
I rehearse conversations
I will never have.

Sometimes I think you
are passively avoiding me
or actively ignoring me.

Sometimes I want
to be so turned on
that I never turn off.

Sometimes I can’t sing
from my soul because
it’s buried beneath my heart.

Sometimes I just listen
 to the nothingness
and the noise, but I’m
lost in the silence.